.. it’s okay to be mad.

Trust me I hate that I know this. No one spoke to me about what grieving would feel like or the fact that any traumatic incident will trigger me and send me down the grieving rabbit hole..

Grief comes in waves, grieving does not only happen when someone dies. Grieving can be a result of the loss of a relationship, illness, loss of financial stability and much more. Grief is defined by the loss of someone or something that was important to YOU.

You are the most important part of this process.

Feeling guilty for what you are going through is a part of the process. At times we do not want to overwhelm our friends with our drama, learn how to set those same boundaries for yourself.. especially during these trying times. Personally I learned that my vulnerabilities are for these pages, those who truly care and for my therapist. A tremendous loss for you might not be the same for someone else and that is okay.

Breathe, literally take 5 deep breaths after  10 seconds repeat. It sounds basic until you try it, in the middle of chaos we forget to check in with ourselves. Breathing triggers a parasympathetic reaction in your body, which slows down your heart its the network of nerves that relax your body after a long day. I check in multiple times a day because it works for me, sometimes I have to step away from a social setting to breathe. Anxiety mixed with grief is a dynamic duo, to say the least. Taking a break to breathe helps me get in tuned with reality. I am such an overthinker that my mom died of cancer and somehow I thought I put it there..

You’ll come to the realization of what is actually bothering, so now what do you do?

Let it out, find something to do that’s different, not the same shit you do everyday. Learn a craft it’ll help you focus on a positive part of life while simultaneously expressing yourself.  They’ll be days in which you’re sad, days when we are angry, on all days we must find discipline and balance. When times were tougher.. Hennessey was always my go to but “when the henny in the system aint no telling” AND yes I altered the lyrics. Drinking while you’re in a state of grief might lead to angry decisions, behaving erratically and prevents meaningful healing. When you wake up after that long night, the feelings are intensified, that is because alcohol is a depressant.

The toughest part is to sit with yourself sober, no friends, no weed just you and this heart wrenching situation.

Some days you’ll reach for the phone to call that person truth is they won’t be there. That is going to kick your ass but that’s ok. Cry it out, release. The good days feel hypocritical, how can you be happy and that person isn’t here? Simple, you’re experiencing life and this is a part of your journey. Your person wants you to live, that doesn’t mean you forgot them.  Tears are the outward response to how we are feeling inside.

In the mist of my healing, life happened. I thought I was healing a would and that nothing else would hurt me but, that’s not true. In less than a decade I went through numerous types of losses. The ones that are no longer physically here, the relationships and friendships that turned a chapter and the items that no longer served there purpose.

It’s okay that you’re still grieving. Even if six years have past you might still feel a void. Unfortunately grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Honor your person, with small gestures, implement a yearly celebration or even honor them by important healthy life changes. If its the end of the chapter, acknowledge what you learned, what purpose was served and perhaps that is nothing at all. Whilst this is not indicative of death and break ups being the same both represent a loss in your world.

I have come to the realization that changing the way I think about death can change my unhealthy relationship with loss. Unfortunately there is no solution in this article, only many healthy ways to cope with your loss.

Always remember while grief does not have an expiration date we can not be consumed by it.