I chose to be naughty

I feel years beyond my age.. Often times when people give you advice they use your age as a reflection of what you could have experienced, weird right? Imagine life is kicking your ass and someone says ” you have so much more to go”… bitch what?!

I’ll try my best to drop gems that I’ve learned since the last time we connected.

YALL aint tell me the moment I turn 30 life would begin to purge. I started writing with intention more than a decade ago and a few night ago a stranger at the bar suggested I should start a blog. Thank you, wet & wild mixed with fenty

Can I request bereavement for the end of my 20s?

Within this time I’ve discovered the complexities of who I am, whom I aspire to be and who I refuse to be. I’ve also learned that omisión and a lie are two totally different things. Just kidding, I knew that now I exercise discretion.

Not everyone has the capacity to be accountable, measure the impact and even be fully transparent.

Within the complexities of my newly discovered personality traits, softness visited. Love has been seeping through my pores. When you move within your purpose, you will be tested for that I give you Isaiah 54:17.

The safest way for me to do it was by having a conversation with myself about my reality. You can be delulu to the world but only you know your truths. Accept yourself, god made all of us perfect.

The alignment of this realization was completely perfect. I was exposed to the deepest form of love and that was within me.

Love without limitations. The whirlwind of what I’ve been feeling led me on a quest to only discover that the universe has been on my side this entire time. I was in search for agape love, letting go of possession, life is an experience.

pro tip: in order to receive it you must give it.

Last year, there was a change in my energy. I no longer desired nor cared for anything that did not bring peace to my life. Chaos seemed to follow me and that was because as my sister says “you have a great poker face”. When I stopped the poker face, dived head in first to what/who made me feel welcomed, life started to purge itself.

I began to question myself but these were conscious decisions, I am in semi control of my emotions. I’m not delusional I’m fully aware of the insane things that I do. Everyone makes mistakes, poor decisions, without those we do not grow. If folks don’t understand, fuck em.

My dreams have been planted, I’m inlove with the reality of my success.

I’ve been surrounded by people that are passionate and risk takers. That fueled me, even on the days in which I was not financially able all my dreams came into fruition.

I questioned the how for some time, until I realized the who. I have a father up above whom I whole heartedly relay on and trust.

St. Thomas showed me glimpses of my mother. I felt full, complete. While my life was falling to pieces, she showed up divinely. I was struggling with the fact that I reached 30 without being fully committed to anything. Until I realized my journey looks different.

I was terrified at how much I will miss the companionship of the friends and family I might’ve neglected. When I reached back out those in full support were still around waiting for me to fully blossom.

I’ve accepted that possession leads to rejection which can only come from his protection.

Recently, I felt guilty for a lesson that was being taught to a relative. Could I have intervened, did I fail at supporting?, did I overlook a mission?

The answer was that the lesson was not mine to begin with. How self centered had I become that I started to internalize my relatives journey instead of lending my support. He will see them through there journey Deuteronomy 2:7.

I awaited for confirmation from the universe and it came in form of two old loves. A love that is painfully still lingering, because there is nothing wrong with the both of you.. I just can’t have two.

Safety

As the year comes to an end, that’s all that’s happening. lol, no really relax. Keep pushing towards your goal, leave your problems with god, shut out the noise and recognize that there is no timeline.

You could die tomorrow.