I fell in love with France, not just Paris. Americans always claim that it’s filthy, they lack mannerism… New Yorkers have even complained that “Parisians are rude”.

They are quiet charming, if you want to make friends… carry a lighter (just kidding).

As I sipped my espresso, I slowly licked the top of my gums and realized it was time for a smoke. There’s a distinctive sensation that runs throughout my gums… idk maybe it’s just me. Usually this means I’ve had one too many martinis and dreamt in the mist of conversations. As I looked over at my friend I wondered if we’d ever go to Paris together. Everyone deserves 10 days in Paris.

Before I could smoke a homeless man approaches a couple standing next to me, I have Ivans tip in my pocket and perhaps a half a blunt. I give him none.

THE COUPLE was traveling from Paris. je ne sais quoi. Beautiful, the both of them.

The French are known for being affectionate, I found love in Paris. Qui Vivra Verra he who lives shall see

He jokingly asked me has anyone ignored your beauty, I lied. They do all the time. A lot of people don’t even see me and that is the beauty of who I am.

Whenever I searched for answers I would bump into Paris. It was a reminder of a feeling I can’t quite explain, serene.In my world Paris was it, until I was in search for another tower.

I am technically American. I got my papers and the blue passport ( I pronounce it pass- a-port).

This year feels way too personal. I’m not chasing after anything it’s all coming to me.

I get on the line to vote, I do not use the allotted time given by my job instead I stand in line at 7am… eager to make a difference.

I wake up to the news…

Trump doesn’t know what a Dominican is. Hispanic American…Afro Latina?..Call me what you’d like but I am 100% aware that THIS is not my culture.

He only knows Puerto Rico because he unfortunately spent millions of dollars on paper towels. The paper towel was for us to clean up the debris from Hurricane Maria, if you use it wisely you might be able to wipe your ass with it.

Trump blocked aid to Puerto Rico The locals are still recovering from Maria. An article written by Julia Jacobo (2024) on ABC thoroughly states that “More than 30,000 homes still had damaged roofs — covered in blue tarp PERO Lets be grateful for the papertowels. But if we’re being honest.. Puerto Ricos government has a long history of corruption. (That’s for an article not a blog )

On a podcast I spoke about my Dominican upbringing. It did not land well, I didn’t know I was being offensive. I thought it was normal. I am learning that uncomfortable conversations are … uncomfortable.

Growing up in a Dominican /Puerto Rican household … for clarification my family originally started in DR migrated to Puerto Rico and created another generation there. Anyhow the shit was different, we listened differently, our mannerism varies depending on what part of the island you are from. But seriously NO ONE else had a faja? The faja was not only for my waist it taught me discipline.

I visited home ( Santo Domingo in this instance) my cousin bought herself a condo, works a decent job, and drove a very nice car. On the poorer end my sister lives en un barrio, as soon as I came her neighbors greeted me con una Fría. In New York City, my neighbor steals my Amazon packages, touché.

I apologize on behalf of the Latino/as that voted for bigotry. And to those that question where my loyalty lays, for you I’d Bonnie.

At a young age I was taught to look presentable, if I could not be extravagant bare minimum I should be well kept. “Confident” is what they tell you to be, when you speak up it will get uncomfortable.

My mother often said “we are all here for the first time” (I just discovered where here is)

They had an American Dream and welp here I am learning for the first time, everyday.

I am the QUEEN of mistakes. Maybe it looks rough because I own my shit. Even when I am uncomfortable, I am comfortable. I mean no harm.In reality no one knows what is happening but if you allow it, it continues. Whatever that is.

America lacks real fucking patriotism. There’s fucking fires, no water, hunger, racism, sexism BUT we do have good music and maybe the gulf of America????

Foundation

That’s because of its foundation.

You can’t build off the blood,tears,genocide of multiple races and call it our history. That’s a shitty foundation. If I am going off of the history in my lifespan I refuse to let it go on this way.

I believe in change, rebuilding and most importantly I believe in people. I refuse to be bonded through trauma.

As we visited Paris, while sitting in Harlem we discussed what would come of the future, the past and the now. When foundations are not solid there is little room for growth.

There’s always a beginning in the end.

This man that frequents my private areas often reminds me that my metaphors are unique and unreal.

Just like America I possessed things that did not belong to me for far too long, it was time to let go.

1:20am

“Hey Jelly mami & papi did a really shitty job because we’re Americanized asf”

Jelly “ I speak good English”.