Today I decided to reconnect with old friends, take a step outside of my cave, my pupa as I felt as though there was a rebirth . It feels like it comes in waves one year I’m here the next five I’ll disappear but, I always go back to where I left those pieces of me. Picking them patiently and silently When you ask me why I chose that name is because in those times I didn’t recognize pain. You see me and pain? we hadn’t crossed each others path.. yet, but when we did she was damn near my best friend .when you ask me why I chose that name, it’s because I finally feel like I’m back in the game .. someway somehow I regained my strength. I will never be the same but I remembered my name and the happiness that was instilled in me. I was never taught to be afraid.. I was afraid of my worlds colliding the ones in which I danced, drank was unapologetically myself.. I enjoyed my sexuality, exploring it, evolving as a woman. The power of my curves; my thighs served me justice when I needed a tight grip, the pearly white smile I often used to lure what I desired. THE OTHER was a front, sort of like code switching I needed it to survive, to believe that the only way that I could survive what I went through within the last 6 years was by reinventing myself.. Not in the way that you think. I literally put on a mask, only allowing a few to see my vulnerabilities. My INDEPENDENCE was not used for bragging right, I had no choice.

I started to find happiness within myself as this occurred the right energy flowed. Reminding myself that I am capable of loving myself , my vulnerabilities were not a sign of weakness but a sign of my trauma. Im not afraid to love or let myself be loved, I’ve learned boundaries can cost you relationships and being impeccable with my words. Listening to the people in my life that showered me with love, I no longer want to push people out off of fear.

Instead of walking around with regrets, I deciding to take a leap and see what the world has to offer, I no longer want to feel the anxiety of hiding away. It is my choice to live within my truth to learn the societal habits , to NOT be afraid, my counterparts explored while I curiously wondered behind a lock door.

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