This has been a trendy topic in my life, there was no escaping it.

On my walk home I was stopped by a neighbor who engaged me in a hour discussion about discipline.

At my bi-weekly filming the question of who should hold more discipline the man or the woman comes up. Clearly it ends up being the woman.

Later on a Pastor brings up the definition of freedom which is a form of… you guessed it discipline.

I quietly listened as this exact word has been pondering in my head. There is no such thing as a coincidence.

Where did I go wrong in this particular situation?

While the situation is related to my past life, it presented in my current. That same pastor preaches about releasing the past and the guilt, so that you may live in the now.

Holy shit, literally.

It felt like a matrix because I’ve made these mistakes already but did I truly forgive myself and let them go? The answer is no. Had I done that we wouldn’t be here.

My lack of discipline has taken me on paths that I was too ashamed to share,until now.

As a child I remember my punishment being kneeling against the wall for what felt like an eternity when in reality it was as little as 5 minutes. I now time myself mediating with the wall for 5 minutes. Thanks mom, everyday it allows me to reflect.

My mother was one of the sweetest human beings I’ve encountered. Almost a decade later I still search for her in people.

She was firm when it came to her rules. My mother was able to walk away while being in-love, she did it gracefully. As an adult I realize she did it for the love she had for her self not just for me.Mother never stopped loving life, finding new loves and doing it purely as if she’d never been hurt before.I often wonder when it comes to my love life and if I missed the lesson on when to walk away… I love until it hurts, I love to a fault. I love in secrecy because I am ashamed I love to strong, I had no discipline when it came to love and that is simply my truth, I was never as strong as her.

Her form of disciplining was not physical, it was mental which is what led me to where I am today.

Discipline is defined by Cambridge dictionary as

the ability to control yourself or other people, even in difficult situations

I choose this definition in particular as it helps me get directly to my point.

Throughout my 20s I lacked discipline, I unlearned behaviors that I once deemed as a cruel form of punishment in order to justify the unhinged lifestyle I was living.

What do I define as unhinged?

Not taking care of myself, putting needs of others in front of my own for selfish reasons such as not wanting to be lonely, excessive consumptions of just about anything. Overall not loving myself.

And yes, keeping others around solely out of the fear of being alone is a disservice. This created a feeling of rejection in me which turned into constantly needing others around in order to feel validated. Now I am wanted, I am loved but I am not always needed which in return allows me to create meaningful bonds.

My first admin job was at a hospital in the Bronx, while I loved it my lack of discipline allowed a co worker to influence my emotions which resulted in me walking out of future opportunities.

Allowing others to dictate our response is the inability to be in control of your emotions… you are responsible for your response.

We pair discipline with a boring lifestyle, I’ve started enjoying life more once I implemented it. My life is exciting enough, trust. It is not equivalent to a tight niche schedule and it presents differently in all of our lives.

There is no real cheat code to discipline with exception to finding what works for you.

In my culture discipline was always viewed with a negative connotation.

Reason being is statistically speaking we are unequally treated when it comes to all forms of punishment, whether that be amongst our peers, in the school systems and the most known the judicial system.

An article released by the sentencing project states”Life sentences are also disproportionately imposed on Black, Latinx, and other people of color. More than two-thirds of people serving life sentences are people of color. Among people serving life without parole sentences, 55% are Black”

Unfortunately this does not come as a surprise as many of us know someone incarcerated, I myself have experience in this realm. This helps tie in what society has painted discipline to be for us, it isn’t real. We can’t conform to statistics nor will we follow patterns. Discipline is for us, not them.

We were once taught that in order for a child to listen we must spank them which is contrary to what my mother taught me “ what you don’t learn through your ears you won’t learn through your skin” ( & if you use it quote my momma)

My life mentor reminded me today motivation wears off, but discipline pays off.

Every relationship you create is always going to be exciting in the beginning but what will you actually accomplish when that excitement wears off ?

I did not have to search for the signs, they were all there. I had to tighten up in many departments. Take it one step at a time.

Unhealthy habits take longer to break than when they are created.

My tip on how to stay disciplined

⁃ love yourself a little harder

Before you leave ask yourself is discipline the key to my success?