I sat in silence for what felt like months. No publishing. No writer’s block.
Just me, my notebook, and questions I couldn’t outrun.

“Be human.”

At a panel discussion, I came face to face with words phrases I’ve been pouring into others for quiet some time.
It made me pause. Even animals greet you upon arrival.
How did they know?
Was it alignment…

or was it divine?

“How do you identify when your humanity has been broken?”

That question sat with me.

Because I’ve always called myself an empath.
But if I’m being honest… I confused empathy with self abandonment.

I gave, and gave, and gave pouring into others, fixing others, loving others
without always practicing the self love I preach.

Because when you’re an empath, you attract broken people.
And because I am my father’s daughter…
I start thinking, maybe I can fix them.

But somewhere in that, I had to ask myself:
Am I in service… or am I losing myself trying to be?

Let me catch you up.

I went on the Hard or Soft podcast. Look for my episode!

I got to say outloud my reality. To folks who simply understood.

I’m revamping this blog intentionally, this time.
And I’ve been deepening my relationship with Jesus Christ… and with myself.

I know I know what some of you are thinking:
“You can’t be with Jesus and still exist like that.”

But I’ve learned faith doesn’t come with a uniform. And being Christian doesn’t mean being perfect.

There’s this idea that if you don’t follow scripture to the tea, you get labeled.. Judged.
Called out your name.

But I think about the woman in John 8.
The one they were ready to stone.

And Jesus said, “Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone.”  You can’t because a lot of yall are living a wild wild life. In secrecy. I live it outloud.

To me, life isn’t about perfection.
It’s about alignment.

Answering your calling.
Serving your people.
Moving with compassion.
And understanding the Word through your lived experience.

Hood and holy.

I sat with people I love people who, like me, struggle with what I call the “fix it syndrome.”
And I wondered…

If we spend all our time trying to fix what’s broken in others,
do we miss what’s already being built for us?

During a conversation with my pastor, I laid it all out.

He asked me:
“Are you hurting anyone?”
“No.”

“Are you being honest?”
“Yes.”

“Are you still connected to God?”
“Yes.”

“Are you being consumed by what you’re doing?”
“No.”

And he said something that grounded me:

“Then walk your journey. We’re not here to judge you. You choose your path. And maybe your story will help another young woman one day.”

That freed me.

Because somewhere along the way, people made it seem like you can’t ask questions.

But I don’t believe that.

You may not question His authority…
but you can absolutely bring Him your confusion.

And in this season my era of gratitude I’ve released a lot.

I let go of people who couldn’t show up as chosen family.
I let go of overextending myself where there was no reciprocity.
I let go of trying to prove who I am to people committed to misunderstanding me.

Because assumptions?
That’s a different kind of evil.

I even turned off my location.
Not to disappear but to feel like I belonged to myself again.

I almost ran, too.
Because when I feel overwhelmed, I run to Puerto Rico.

But this time… I stayed.

I looked around at the life I built with my sisters.
The details. The intention. The love.
I picked up my son (duxi Blickity Pineda).
I looked outside and saw familiarity instead of confinement.

And then my best friend sent me a poem.

And I broke.

Because I realized something simple, but powerful:

I was forgetting to be grateful.

Gratitude isn’t submission.
It’s not silence.
It’s not allowing people to control your narrative.

It’s choosing to acknowledge what’s still good even when everything feels heavy.

Lately, I’ve been searching inward more than outward.
Trying to understand how I ever looked for validation outside of me…
when everything I needed was already within.

I can do hard things.
I can walk away without losing myself.

This is my era of gratitude.

Living in the gray area was my safety net, it felt like I was allowing others while un allowing myself.

The truth is you CAN have it all with his grace. And if you’re at 0% you don’t have to explain yourself recharge your battery. Come back when you’re ready.

This time, I’m not abandoning me to save anyone else.

It’s either you like it or you don’t.